So. It’s been a while.
We’ve been here for three months now. It doesn’t feel like we’ve been here for that long. Well, maybe it does. I’m not sure. We’ve been so busy. We are settled into the rental home as much as we can be. We don’t plan on being here for very long, maybe just another 18 months so or, so I have made a point not to do anything to this home, decor wise. We live amongst boxes, our furniture is sparse (the new owners of the farm decided to buy most of our furniture) and we have farm equipment strewn about our backyard covered in tarps.
It doesn’t feel like a home, to say the least.
We chose an architect and we are hoping to have the final building plans complete within the next three months. Then it’s just a matter of choosing a builder that is reputable but doesn’t break our budget (which may be difficult to find). The kids are enrolled in swimming lessons and sports. We attend story hour at the library and we’ve even met a few neighbors that have kids around the same age and so we do weekly playdates as well.
I’m making it sound like life is more chaotic than it really is. We have a pretty decent routine, at least for now. I’m a few months pregnant with our fourth and final child, which is exciting, scary, and oddly enough, a relief all at the same time. Exciting because, well, a new baby! Scary because who in their right mind has four children age five and under!? A relief because there is a light at the end of the tunnel so to speak. I’m kind of glad that we’ll be done with bottles, breastfeeding, diapers and midnight feedings. I want to burn my maternity clothing. Or at least give it away to someone who would want it.
Lately I find that I’ve been really homesick for Washington and my farm. I don’t miss the smallness of the house and the feeling that comes along with it or Gabe working 15 hour days. But I miss my land. I miss the trees and deer in my orchard. I miss knitting on my couch and watching the rain fall. I miss my friends. I haven’t felt any inspiration to knit since we arrived here. It’s hot and living in a subdivision surrounded by boxes just isn’t very inspiring. In fact, it’s a little depressing. I know I shouldn’t complain because I still think moving was the best decision for our family. But I hate this in-limbo feeling. I want my craft space back. My raised beds. My orchards. I know I’ll have all those things back eventually. We won’t have the sheep that we dreamed of having, but we’ll have a garden and a nicely sized orchard. Gabe is hoping to restart his bee hives and I am excited for him to be able to continue his hobby. But sometimes it all just seems so far away…and I wonder what to do with myself in the meantime? I bought some books on natural dying and I am planning on attempting my first batch this month. I think I may design a sock pattern because, well, what else do you knit in this heat? Certainly not a sweater. Then there is the new baby to consider. So I suppose I do have a creative spark left in me. I think it’s just a matter of putting the effort into fostering it.
I’m not sure how much time I will spend on this little space of mine. I need to think about it a little more and decide if I want to periodically drop by or if I should just take a break until we finally move into our new home. I just don’t know yet. Regardless of what I decide, it did feel good to get out some of my thoughts that I’ve been keeping to myself for the past few weeks. It’s one of the best things about this blog. Throwing my thoughts out there and seeing the responses from some of the readers. The connection is what makes it all worthwhile, really.
Happy Thursday, friends.
I found your blog about a year ago, and check in periodically to see if you’ve posted. I enjoy it. I had five children – perhaps not as close together as yours, but still hectic. I’ve also heard all the comments about choosing to have a larger family…they get tiresome after awhile! I guess this a roundabout way of saying I’d love to continue to read your blog even if posts are sporadic and about living in a suburb.
Five children…so survival is possible?! It seems so daunting when everyone is throwing out comments like “Wow, I could never do that!” “You guys are so brave!” I start to think…maybe they know something I don’t? Perhaps we are taking on too much? But then I think of our Thanksgiving table thirty years from now, surrounded by our children and their families…and I know this will all be worth it. At least…I hope so 🙂 Thank you for reading, Cindy. I so appreciate your supportive words.
I just happened to check if you had blogged recently. Was so glad to see news from you. Congratulations on the new baby, I know it is challenging raising a large family but where there is love it is so rewarding. You will look back at this period of your life years from now and you will see the purpose and blessings it has brought. I feel your loneliness and separation from all you held close in the past. Change is tough and as a busy mom you are giving out so much of yourself and at times we are just tired and cranky. It is perfectly ok to feel these emotions. Before you know it the new house will be built and you can stretch yourself out and feel your roots going deep again into the soil of what will be your new homestead. Above else be true to yourself, be healthy, I know you count your blessings but keep on counting.
Thank you, Theresa. I so appreciate the kind words. Admittedly, I teared up when I read them. Sometimes we just need a virtual shoulder to cry on to make ourselves feel a little better 🙂 Thank you for reading.
I’ve enjoyed your pictures and your blog… I ask myself the same questions, as a blogger myself. But I think it’s just so worth it to keep recording the little moments with my family, the knitting and the random joys. I’ve checked several times to see if you’ve posted, and I don’t know that I have ever commented before on your blog. We have four children ages 3-11, and it’s hard and worth it and crazy and chaotic all at once. I live for the moments of coffee in peace, and my few rows of knitting. Blessings as you settle in and dream… I know there are many good things in store for you and your family.
And keep blogging, if you so desire. I’ll be looking forward to reading more, if you do. 🙂