Yesterday was hard. I screwed up. A lot. Both as a mother and a friend. Sam woke up in the middle of the night with a runny nose and I couldn’t go back to sleep for hours. I slept through my alarm. There was tantrum after tantrum, and instead of handling the situation with patience and grace, I yelled. A lot. My mother had car trouble and I rushed to pick her up, forgetting to cancel my knitting date at my house with a friend who I hadn’t seen in a while. Something I had been looking forward to for weeks. It took multiple texts from her (while she waited in my driveway) before I realized what I had done. I was late picking Sam up from school. I missed the window for Caleb’s nap and when I tried to lay him down he was so frantic and over tired he refused to sleep for the rest of the day. I accidentally fed Eddie sour milk. I ran out of diapers. Caleb scooted/zombie crawled over to a pile of folding chairs we had leaning against the wall and pulled one down on himself. He’s fine, but it scared the shit out of me. I gave up on cooking and ordered Dominos. For lunch. I mopped the floor and while I was putting the mop away, Eddie threw up on the floor.
As the day progressed, the family cold that I had managed to avoid the past two weeks seemed to finally catch up with me and my head began to pound and my throat started to ache. More tantrums. More yelling. More tears. It was like I couldn’t stop screwing up. It’s incredibly rare that I go to bed at night feeling like a failure in all aspects of my life but yesterday was one of those days. The house was in total disarray. After the kids went to bed, I cleaned up and took a hot shower and cried into a large cup of tea (okay, fine, half tea, half whiskey). I decided not to knit, and instead curled up on the couch in front of the fire with a blanket and watched trashy television for two hours.
Yesterday was rough, but I’m determined that today will be better. Gabe is out of town for the next few days and I refuse to spend those days wallowing in self pity. As I type this, Eddie is screaming on the floor because her favorite dress is dirty and I won’t let her wear it. My optimism is already waning.
Yesterday was bad. Today will be better. If I say it enough, perhaps it will become true.
This post was supposed to be about my knitting but I ended up whining instead. Let’s focus on happy stuff now. Yarn makes everything better.
I finished my test knit for sam lamb. She will make the pattern available shorty and I highly recommend trying it out, especially if you are relatively new to colorowork. It’s not too complex and it’s so fun to see little lambs appear before your eyes as the pattern progresses. Although I knit the adult size, Sam is modeling it for me because I’m terrible at selfies. Must be a generational thing. This was my first attempt at knitting continental. I think I did an okay job. I didn’t catch my floats either, and even after blocking there is a spot where it pulls a bit because my tension is off. I’m not sure if that’s because I’m a novice at continental or because I didn’t catch my floats.
I’m still working on my Hollows shawl. I’m nearly half way through. Once I finish, I will start on Chanukah gifts. In the meantime, I’m enjoying making something just for me.